I think I can speak on behalf of my nurse co-workers that we have all experienced interference from residents’ families and friends visiting the Nursing Home. You feel like a member of the Peace Corps instead of a nurse.
Case in point — MRS L wants to know what’s happening with MR P. Why does he have a yellow bag in the room she asks.
Where is the R.N?
My standard answer? “The R.N. will be with you shortly.”
I wonder how many times am I going have to say that today.
Then of course we have little MRS J. Oh, she doesn’t look happy. Maybe I should think of running away. It’s ok she just wants to know why MR J isn’t up yet. Whew. I explained that it’s been a hectic day and we have had a few people who have had to be fixed up early.
Oh no! Mr T’s family has a camera! Here we go again, have to explain that they have to seek DON permission to take photos etc. They don’t listen to me so our R.N. at morning tea had to go see Assistant DON to speak to the family.
Family start speaking in own language. I don’t have to be Einstein to guess what they are saying.
Mr F’s family comes in next to thank us for all the care we gave him. Left us with box of chocolates. Nom nom nom. We have a quick chat about the fun times we used to have with him.
After lunch, we see a group down the hall way all getting cross because one of the resident wanderers is in the wrong room. We did try to explain he is confused. The group says Mr Wanderer shouldn’t be in their room and start shouting. I go and report to R.N.. RN goes down to speak to them.
During the round, I come across Mrs D who is crying amongst all the complaints. She feels all alone so I spend time with her.
Next thing I know, we have Mr Y’s wife on the buzzer complaining he needs to go back to bed NOW. We ask her if she can leave the room please as that is the policy of the facility.
She gets irate and asks “Why? What are you going to do?” We did explain we were putting him to bed as she requested. She left the room in a huff and goes to the DON. DON comes down and explain to us, he will deal with Mrs Y.
Most of the time we can handle complaints but some days, it just seems to be never ending and you are shocked if a family is actually NICE.
Most common complaints that we get are: “Why isn’t Dad up yet?” and “Put Dad to bed now!!!!!” No one says please. Oh dear.
There are also a lot of kitchen related issues which we have to just pass on as we don’t have time to deal with them. Some complain that they don’t like the wheelchair their Dad is in. Can’t do much about that. If you don’t have your own, we have to use whatever one we can get.
There are trials and challenges that in dealing with relatives’ interference with patient care. We take it in stride. It is a hazard of our job, I guess.
What about you? What family interference do you have to deal with?
The smell issue always have to quietly remind them it is a NURSING HOME and we do the best we can .
Well that all sounds really difficult and tiring. It says to me that people still don’t see nurses as respected professionals and that our history of “handmaiden” remains in the collective unconscious. Well done to you Linda for staying with your very hard job and keeping your cool in the face of such rudeness.
When the family simply wants to know My mother was in a nursing home in another country on the other side of the world. While we were away for the weekend, my sister left a message on our answering machine letting me know that Mom had fallen and broken her hip. As it was the middle of the night over there, I thought it was most considerate to call the hospital. I knew someone would be awake there!
The nurse I spoke to informed me that as I did not have the power of attorney, she could not tell me any details about my mother. I would have to speak to my sister; the same sister who I knew had little interest in medical matters and simply told me what she knew. Being disinterested, she was not able to answer the more technical queries I had.
On that occasion, I found it incredibly difficult to be the interfering family on the other side of the world, without anyone who would speak with me and share the information I longed to know, information that my nurse mother would have been happy for me to know. In my distress and isolation, I was probably not very polite to the nurse.
Sometimes it’s so hard for both family and nurses to ‘get it right’ in the other’s eyes!
I can see where Emiline is coming from as one of my nursing mottos is to always look after everyone as if they were your own family because we all have one and you hope that the person looking after yours works by the same motto. Rich
Empathy is a good quality for a nurse to possess! Commenting on the article about dealing with patients and their families, I have to say I am not totally in agreement with some of the comments. Having been a nurse for 23 years in a variety of settings including aged care, it has been my experience that familly members vent their frustration and guilt in many ways when their elderly family member is in a home. It has always seemed to me to be that any negative comments are not directly meant for the nurse and should therefore not stop to rest on the nurses shoulders or influence the nurses work quality. Let the comments and demands pass over your head and get on with the job of looking after the patient to the best of your ability and comply with the request to put the patient to bed when you are phyiscally able to. To take on board the family members issues makes nurses roles that much more harder to bear. Another point that I found helpful is to turn the negative comments back onto the speaker but put in a more positive light. Nursing can be a rewarding career if you let it and there will always be good and bad days. As long as I know I am doing the best job I can for the patient then that is what counts and family concerns and complaints come in at a distant second.
empathy is essential I agree marvin the martian (and a whole conversation exists about choosing your on-line name! I loved those cartoons!)
Empathy is essential. Working in partnership with our patients and families is also essential and a practice which I hope I do daily.
However, I thought Linda’s piece seemed to be asking for us to hear her difficulties in having to manage all those relatives who can be so rude and disrespectful; and there is no doubt, that relatives can make their loved ones illness more difficult just by being so demanding that you (as the caring nurse) dread having to go near them! High levels of stress and fear always brings out the very best and worst of people. I totally understand this about all the people I work with, however, it doesn’t discount my feelings about it and that’s important too. As I’m just as human as my patients and their families there are some days when I do know that all their difficult behaviour isn’t about me and I can get on with my job; on other days I get completely fed up with this crap and I need a good whinge to someone so I can keep on being patient and kind to all of them. I also believe there’s a socio-political context to this; and I also believe that people usually behave so badly to people who they believe will continue to unconditionally care for them, no matter what they do! Nurses seem to do that don’t they?
Speaking the truth On one occasion when the labouring woman I cared for wasn’t receptive to anything I said, I finally told her that I was on her side and was puzzled as to her attitude towards me of mistrust. I may have thrown in a comment about not knowing who she was angry with and proposing that I hadn’t done anything to merit it. In about 1 hour of 1:1 care, I hadn’t really had much of an opportunity to neglect or mislead her. I noticed that her attitude changed after that. Sometimes, we need to remind family that we are there to care and help. When we are made the recipients of all their anger, it gets in the way of our professional intentions because we are human too.
Inteferring family members I have seen this problem from both sides – my mother was a patient in a large hospital on the coast and was extremely ill – I mean close to terminal – she survived thank heavens because I will not thank the nursing staff at that time – YES I am angry at the care my mother did not receive – one of her daughters not me is also a nurse requested that mum would like a wash and to go back to bed – she offered to wash mum but needed assistance to get her into bed to do so – 45 minutes later my sister wandered to the nurses station to find the same nurses in the same area still talking social talk not nursing handover talk – when she questioned this and with great rudeness mum was put back to bed. That was the last nursing care she received for 24hrs until fresh nurses came onto the floor. Mum ended up requiring surgery to repair the bed sore she developed due to poor circulation I am talking here a bed sore the rehab hospital had to take a photo of it was so huge – nothing was done because the actions of a few callous nurses had terrified a sick frail old lady I have possibly already told you all this story I just want to let you know where some people may be coming from yes it is hard being a family member and yes it is hard being a nurse on the receiving end – just think though if the positions were reversed and prey to whomever you believe in that the nurse caring for your loved ones is as good as you are giving. The guilt family members feel often makes them more defensive and they often do not see other people also need attending and that nursing homes / hospitals are all staffed on skeleton money saving staff – this does not excuse negligence
The majority of staff and often all the staff in aged care facilities are not nurses, they are AINs and lack the training of a qualified nurse. Furthermore they are often left to look after 40-60 residents on their own, so common sense should tell you that the operators of these facilities and the government are to blame for the lack of care. If you are not happy with the situation then complain to the government not the staff and hopefully something will then be done to fix the situation.
i have been in nursing for thirty years and understand that it is upsetting for relatives when their loved ones are ill but what gives them the right to bully, harrass and abuse the carer being such as me the right to abuse me. then i have to answer to the damm hierarchy because i was in my rights enough to say no you have no right to act that way to me. The ones above are so scared of being thought as a bad hospital they forget the nurse who is doing everything to care for that patient and so instead of telling the family they are in the wrong they come down on the nurse and tell them be quiet or we will put you of because of the duty of care. To me my duty of care is to keep the patient stable and alive and comfortable. We are still in the year 1970 not 2012, what happended to us being smart and acting in the roles many times as interns. why go to uni.