7 Things You Never Say To A Nurse Or Midwife


Ever hear nonsense from patients, friends or families about what they think it must like to be a nurse or midwife? Or what they think you do? Drives us mental too. Check out our list below with tongue firmly in cheek.

1. “You aren’t very busy.”

B*$%! please. Do you know how long and how hard I’ve been working today? Just because I’ve taken one moment to have my first drink of water in 6 hours doesn’t mean I’m kicking my feet up.

2. “Nurse, I’ve been waiting such a long time”

So have I buddy. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you or the other dozen patients I’m looking after. The doctor will come when she comes but I ain’t her PA.

3. “Hey midwife friend, can you get me some drugs on the down low?”

100% no. Never. Not a chance. This is probably not the most annoying thing to hear and we can have a laugh but sometimes people just don’t know when to quit. Do you think I want to risk your life and my career? You might not know better but I certainly do.

4. “Do you have the hots for that doctor over there?”

Believe it or not, this isn’t Grey’s Anatomy. If you’d met most doctors, you probably would understand why it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. Don’t get us wrong, most doctors are lovely people but goodness me do they drive us up the wall sometimes.

5. “We’re short-staffed today…”

I mean, this is getting silly sometimes isn’t it? Just because we hear it so often doesn’t make it any less infuriating. But it’s certainly not going to stop us giving our all and you bet we look forward to our soft bed at the end of the shift.

6. “Nurse, can I get…”

STOP PRESSING THE CALL LIGHT EVERY 5 MINUTES. I really want to help you and please call if you need but maybe it’s not my job to get you a coffee and Mars bar three times a day?

7. “So, did you want to become a doctor?”

I BEG YOUR PARDON. I love being a nurse and this is exactly what I wanted to do. You know what they say ‘Doctors diagnose, nurses save lives.”

What’s the thing you hate hearing most? Let us know in the comments!


  1. How do you manage to cope with all the “bad stuff you see?”
    Some times we don’t so well that’s why we need adequate pay and tie off to relax without having to do double shifts

  2. I have heard as a community nurse that I spend my days just doing a few simple dressings, sit around having cups of tea with clients and apparently can finish for the day when clients have bedn seen.
    A personal favourite from a client was when he asked if I went up to the hospital and “helped” them on the wards after I finished my client home visits for the day.
    The perrenial “you’re smart – you should be a dr” also warms my heart.

  3. “My pain is 10/10, can I have more pain relief”…. while the patient continues to laugh at funny video they are watching on there mobile showing nil signs of non verbal pain but you know, it’s subjective”

  4. When I worked night shift I loved the old, “there’s not much to do on night shift is there? Aren’t all the patients sleeping?” Noooo, that is when the throw up or to use the nicer sounding medical term, have an emesis. Seems to be when they have the most pain, feel lonely and of course all those antibiotics are not given just in the daytime. And, the enjoyable process of calling the doctor in the middle of the night and trying to decipher verbal orders when it sounds like they are chewing rocks. Have I said enough?….lol


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